Fuck the World

psychefawn @ 2009-05-30T15:27:00

2009-05-30T21:28:03Z

It hurts so much. Why? Why did I open up and care? Why didn't I learn last time? Why didn't I see the signs? What is going to happen now? I can't stay here. It hurts so much to even be in the same building as you. You said you care. You said you loved me. That you wanted to be with me. That you would never hurt me. I don't want to hear the it's not you it's me I messed up shit. We both did. And by the time we started communicating to fix it it was too late. You didn't want me anymore. Now I'm here will all the reminders. I can't sleep because I don't feel like home is home anymore. I don't feel safe. I feel abandoned. I feel betrayed. I feel any number of things that I can't even begin to describe. Every song reminds me of you. Every place I walk past I think of you. I want to be angry. I want to lash out. To hurt you back. To make you show some piece of the pain and hurt that you say this causes you. I'm afraid to come back to the apartment because it is yours and not mine. It has never been mine. It was home because you were there welcoming me and now that is gone. Not gone. Just out of reach. I can't put my arms around you and hold you and tell you I love you anymore. It doesn't mean the same to you as it does to me and you don't show you care about it at all. I feel like everything was just a little white lie even though I know you would just be pissed at me for saying that. I don't know how to tell people. I don't want their pity. I don't want to hear I'm sorry. I don't want to hear I told you so and he's a jerk. I don't want to hear any of it. I just want you back. If not back at least to let me be by your side. I don't even feel like a friend anymore. I just feel like a burden. I'm trying so hard to get out of your life since you are so desperate to push me away. You offer help and that you will be there if I need you. I need you. But you don't want to be there in the way that I need you to be. I want to just have the place alone to myself for one night so I can just get every little piece of me out of the apartment and just disappear. That way when you came home it would be like I wasn't even there and you could just move on and forget about me like you want me to do with you. But I can't. I just want o leave and disappear and curl up into a ball and forget the world exists. Withdraw from everything except for work and even then just do what I have to and get out to go back to my cave. Cut myself off from everyone and everything I care about. I can't even try to think about you with someone else. It hurts too much. I thought you wanted and loved me.... I'm sorry that I started this by not holding my temper when you were upset with me and I didn't know why. Maybe if I had we wouldn't be here. I tried to talk to you calmly and for a while I did. Yes my lashes were cruel and barbed and meant to hurt you. I was angry and in pain and upset. I still am but now I just can't stop crying and I don't really want to. The hurt is what is keeping me going but I don't know how long it will carry me for. I can't even be sure that I would open up again even if you lost your mind and decided you did want me back. There would always be the doubt in my mind that you were just doing it out of pity. Kinda like I still think you just gave me another chance the first time because I was crying and so upset and you wanted to calm me down. And yet I know that if you were to ask for me back I would coming running back in an instant. It was my birthday!

psychefawn @ 2009-01-05T19:24:00

2009-01-06T02:24:40Z

Oh so for everyone who sees this that doesn't see anything else I have, I'm engaged.

psychefawn @ 2008-08-17T17:19:00

2008-08-17T23:20:38Z

I got a job. Kings Soopers deli. Full time. Not my first choice but it is $9.14/hr and I get paid every week so it is a start. Still living with others, no place of my own yet. I am hoping that that will be remedied now that I am starting to have an income...

psychefawn @ 2008-07-18T20:02:00

2008-07-19T02:53:20Z

Students loans are over due. $550.62. Severly delinquent thus no deferment. no money to pay. can't go back to school. owe the school too much money that still can't pay. evals for camp were last week. got one of the 4 worst ones in camp. all 1s and 2s, with an occasional 3. spent most of the past week in tears. can't deal with these girls or women any more. pranks went to far, no patience left. don't know what I am gonna do. cell has been turned off.... not paid... no place to live when work ends in 2 weeks. kinda sucks..... I don't really want to be couch hopping but it looks like I am gonna. no job. no house. no money. guess I can't make it on my own like I thought.

psychefawn @ 2007-08-29T16:50:00

2007-08-29T22:51:48Z

More on my myspace... check it out! *heart* Chrystal!

psychefawn @ 2007-08-17T16:51:00

2007-08-17T22:53:09Z

Just a heads up. I am in facct now registered for school this fall... it happened this morning after much stress and running around and crying. Classes start monday... talk about last minute huh?

psychefawn @ 2007-08-05T14:18:00

2007-08-05T20:19:32Z

can't.... see... striaght..... so fucking pissed off I can't even begin to describe it... I am ready to throw everything of his out and tell him to fuck off....

psychefawn @ 2007-06-11T13:53:00

2007-06-11T19:54:27Z

The renn fest is your friend.. you should go.. and you should take me...*heart* to all

psychefawn @ 2007-05-05T23:50:00

2007-05-06T05:56:53Z

Did ya ever have one of those nights that was supposed to be perfect but instead turned into something that makes you wish that you had the courage to slice your wrists and did at least make you drink heavily? Yeah that would be me tonight. It was the Wild Asperagus Ball and it was supposed to be fun and a joy and great. I was taking Treschelle and Kristen and Matt were both going to be there. Then Matt brought Aspen and every spiraled and crashed and I don't know what to do anymore. I am lost and confused and everything hurts and I just want to curl up and cry but know I can't. I came really close at the ball but wouldn't let myself and now I just feel sick. I hate this. Sorry to anyone who wanted a happy post and sorry to anyone who wanted pictures. I wasn't in any and none were taken of me and frankly as depressed as that makes me I am happy about it. I don't want photographic memories of this. I am going to go back to my vodka now...

psychefawn @ 2007-05-02T17:04:00

2007-05-02T23:06:05Z

quick update for the first time in months...... I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am working as a research/office assistant for the earthquake and wind engineering reserach department at CSU.... Congrats and happy dance to me!

psychefawn @ 2007-03-08T10:47:00

2007-03-08T17:47:12Z

Break is at hand and I am heading home to feed upon actual food and to work my butt off. And I am going to do my teacher observations as well. Call me if you are in brighton and want to come see me.

20 Songs.... Please respond

2007-02-26T21:07:00Z

Pick ten to twenty songs. Give a line from the song, and have your friends list try to guess the song and artist. Don't just google them all!

1. Madness is the gift, that has been given to me.
2. I lent out my hand, said hello there would you like to dance and you said, yeah I'll try.
3. It was a haha this way, haha thata way, haha this away then oh then.
4. Call me a relic, call me what you will. Say Im old-fashioned, say Im over the hill
5. I'm floating on a lake - But upside down! And when I try to breathe, I start to drown!
6. Women are irrational, that's all there is to that! Their heads are full of cotton, hay and rags!
7. With a bit of a mind flip, you're there in the time slip
8. I will effect you I will protect you from all the crazy schemes
9. She never drinks the water and makes you order French Champagne once you've had a taste of her you'll never be the same
10. If you kiss me mister you must think I'm pretty, if you think so mister you must want to fuck me, if you fuck me mister it must mean you love me, if you love me mister you would never leave me, it's as simple as can be!
11. Those who don't try never look foolish
12. Elle me rappelle à la terre ferme Sur laquelle mes chevilles ont plié
13. I would take no for an answer just to know I heard You speak
14. My home lies deep within you and I've got my own place in your soul
15. And you breathing in finesse an innocent f32457rom her partying
16. If you wanna resist, it'll always persist. It'll take you to you limits if they truly exist
17. Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming the goddess of imaginary light
18. Je suis la et ailleurs
19. A babysitter here if she's got half a brain can make more money than the governor of Maine.
20. Those living for death will die by their own hand.

psychefawn @ 2006-12-31T12:42:00

2006-12-31T18:44:27Z

In 2007, psychefawn resolves to...

Find a new buddhism.
Get back in contact with some old coffee shops.
Go walking three times a week.
Overcome my secret fear of cats.
Backup my disney regularly.
Give some costumes to charity.

I think I could actually do this!!!!

and this one too...

On the twelfth day of Christmas, psychefawn sent to me...

Twelve reedeemeds drumming

Eleven logoarnos piping

Ten kit_ozzie1988s a-leaping

Nine author_of_truths dancing

Eight surfpunk89s a-milking

Seven computers a-swimming

Six costumes a-walking

Five ca-a-a-ats

Four musicals

Three coffee shops

Two religious studies

...and a buddhism in a fanstasy.

psychefawn @ 2006-12-27T09:29:00

2006-12-27T16:33:13Z

wow look at me go, two posts in one month. I am home in Brighton bored out of my skull, watching red vs blue (which just makes me a nerd), killing time till I absolutely have to go and pack for my flight tonight. I miss Fort Collins a ton but I am looking forward to seeing Brandi and James.

The connection of dance

2006-12-07T21:55:05Z

This just goes to show how connecting swing dancing can actually be, or at least I think it does... I can't actually find the article but I was watching it on 9news today and it made me smile so I thought I would share it with my fellow dancers.

On December 6, 1941 there was a jitterbug dance competition in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. It was won by a 10 year old girl and a sailor who didn't know each other and left that night without ever learning the other's name. Pearl Harbor was bombed the next day. Both the girl and the sailor survived the attack. For the next 6 decades the women wondered what had become of her dance partner from that night. She wrote the story of the competition and submitted it to several veteran's magazines and eventually received a call. The man on the other end was the same sailor that had won the competition with her over 60 years earlier. They met up this year during the memorial in Pearl Harbor and danced together again. As it turns out, for about 40 years, the two lived less than 15 miles from each other in the San Deigo area.

psychefawn @ 2006-11-30T14:50:00

2006-11-30T21:50:47Z

yes I still exist. If anyone is in town (meaning fort collins) and not busy tomorrow (friday) night come to the
Swing Society's Annual Snowball Dance.
LSC Main Ballroom.
7:00 pm lessons with 23 Skidoo from Denver.
8:00 pm-11:00 pm dance with music by Easy Bill and the Big Beat.
9:30 pm performance by Blam! (including me!).
$6 students/$8 nonstudents

I am freaking out about it even though I know I will do fine. Come out and swing your hearts out and support the wonderfull world of swing dance.....

It is snowy and cold and Stelth and Rene, I am officailly jealous of you... Enjoy your trip.

psychefawn @ 2006-10-16T12:01:00

2006-10-16T18:03:14Z

hey I am actually updating... I just finished withdrawing from my astronomy class... I never go anyway so there was no way for me to pass it and 19 credits may have been a bad idea. I think I will try for chemistry in the spring...or I may just take it again then at a better time and when I can actually pay more attention on going to class and staying awake for it. I chose to drop it today so that I would have a "W" instead of just getting and "F"... the W won't mess up my GPA...

psychefawn @ 2006-09-08T13:45:00

2006-09-08T19:50:25Z

I realize that I haven't updated in a while. It has been a busy busy busy week (well couple of weeks). I am finally having a slight (and I mean slight!) breather and what am I using it for? Trying to plan out the rest of my school career... I have a meeting next Tuesday to declare a second major. Philosophy. With a concentration in religion. Yep that is right. Li the religious philosopher historian.... what a well paying job that is going to get me. I am also trying to work out my classes so that I can get the ones I need to get my teaching license. I am thinking I am going to be taking between 19 and 23 credits every semester for the remainder of my school career and still have to be here for 5 and a half years at least.... gods the debt is going to be horrendious... yeah I still don't have a job... not for lack of applying and looking but rather for lack of marketable skills. I am also trying to in the next couple semesters work a study abroad in India... Watch me overextend and kill myself... oh well. Gah! I have class and am off.

psychefawn @ 2006-08-28T08:31:00

2006-08-28T14:33:39Z

energy drinks are my friend. I got up at noon yesterday and haven't been to bed since then. my roommate and I have a friend crashing at our place because we don't want him home alone because he is suicidal. I have 19 credit hours a week this semester. I have two papers due at noon today and I haven't really started either one of them and I have classes from 10 till 4 today. then I have BLAM... and watch me not make the team and be really depressed....Watch me live off of energy drinks then die...

psychefawn @ 2006-08-21T09:36:00

2006-08-21T15:37:48Z

ah! class in 24 minutes! ah! so much to do still...... my computer is in limbo, I will explain more when I have more time. in fact, I will actually really update when I have more time....

psychefawn @ 2006-08-04T18:19:00

2006-08-05T00:28:10Z

So I am sitting here at the Cat, writing to you on my brand new Mac Book... And I have my iPod in my bag and my cell phone in my pocket.... It feels good to finally be in the right century. I just got back from Red Feather where I spend the last 2 and a half days. Smoked hookah and watched movies and just generally relaxed the whole time. Drove by the Shambabla center on my way back down and stopped and played in the Poudre river... I feel better right now then I have in a long while. I am going to keep fushing around and figuring out how to do everything. Ciao all! :)

psychefawn @ 2006-07-25T16:55:00

2006-07-25T23:09:01Z

So I am thinking that I will do a weekly (or almost weekly) update, though I doubt anyone cares. They will be short, probably in lists, and most likely very bitchy/whiny/complaining/overdramatic/childish/etc, just like me. So here goes...

~I am moving on Thursday
~Packing sucks
~I threw out something in my back and so can barely turn
~My sister is upstairs bitching and whining and moaning and complaining about how much she hates me... wow she sounds just like me, who would ever have thought we were related
~I have a migraine
~I have to babysit my neighbors' boys sometime this week while they are at a funeral so that may interfer with my moving
~I am planning on getting a cell phone and a laptop both at some point before school starts
~I don't have a job
~While my loan is in, the more I look at it and think about it, the more I think it won't be enough for this year
~I still don't have a job
~Another cousin got engaged, and I am still alone... what a surprise there
~I really am sick of the drama in Fort Collins and don't want to deal with it anymore but fall into a rut everytime I am there and end up in the middle of it anyway.
~Dispite all the stuff I threw out and got rid of, I still have too much stuff
~If anyone couldn't tell, I am in a self-loathing depression and buried under a crap load of shit that really isn't important in any form (and I am not sure what half of it is) but am having troubles stepping out from under it and letting it all go.... sorry Trevor, I am getting no where with that, despite my efforts to do otherwise... maybe once I move
~I have no income.... and many expenses...
~I am sleeping my life away...meh, it happens, life goes on
~I miss having a if-not-love-at-least-a-fling-with-sex life and it is throwing my system all out of whack, because you know they say sex makes you both happier and healthier and I am screwed on both accounts right now
~I am asking you all to keep an eye on me this coming year, I think I may mess myself up because I am taking 19 credits, eating only fruits, veggies, and yogurt, continuing swing, taking up belly dancing, yoga, and swimming everyday (or at least every other day) in addition to walking everywhere, and possibly depending on how things go, throwing some diet pills in there somewhere...
~If I start loosing insanely rapid amounts of weight or mentally going downhill, say/do something

Told you it would be whiny, depressing, and long. What Kudos I have to those of you who read it all...

psychefawn @ 2006-07-17T10:36:00

2006-07-17T16:37:52Z

Red boxes are ones that apply, blue x's are ones that don't.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	✓ I own lots of books.
× I wear glasses or contact lenses.	× I love to play video games.	× I've tried marijuana.
× I've watched porn movies.	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.

* * * * *

× I have broken someone's bones.	× I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.	× I hate the rain.
✓ I'm paranoid at times.	× I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.	✓ I need/want money right now.
✓ I love sushi.	✓ I talk really, really fast.	× I have fresh breath in the morning.
✓ I have long hair.	× I have lost money in Las Vegas.	✓ I have at least one sibling.
× I was born in a country outside of the U.S.	✓ I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.	✓ I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
✓ I like the way that I look.	✓ I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.	✓ I am usually pessimistic.
✓ I have a lot of mood swings.	✓ I think prostitution should be legalized.	✓ I slept with a roommate.
✓ I have a hidden talent.	× I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.	✓ I have a lot of friends.
✓ I have pecked someone of the same sex.	✓ I enjoy talking on the phone.	× I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
✓ I love to shop and/or window shop.	× I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.	× I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
× I have a mobile phone.	× I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.	✓ I've rejected someone before.
✓ I currently like/love someone.	✓ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.	× I want to have children in the future.
✓ I have changed a diaper before.	× I've called the cops on a friend before.	× I'm not allergic to anything.
✓ I have a lot to learn.	× I am shy around the opposite sex.	× I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
✓ I have at least 5 away messages saved.	✓ I have tried alcohol or drugs before. (only recently though....)	✓ I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
× I own the "South Park" movie.	✓ I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal. (or myspace)	✓ I enjoy some country music.
✓ I would die for my best friends.	✓ I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.	✓ I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
✓ I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.	× I have dated a close friend's ex. (they have dated mine)	✓ I am happy at this moment.
✓ I'm obsessed with guys.	✓ Democrat.	× Republican.
✓ I don't even know what I am.	× I am punk rockish.	✓ I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
× I study for tests most of the time.	✓ I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.	× I can work on a car.
× I love my job(s).	✓ I am comfortable with who I am right now.	× I have more than just my ears pierced.
✓ I walk barefoot wherever I can.	× I have jumped off a bridge.	✓ I love sea turtles.
× I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.	✓ I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.	× I am proficient on a musical instrument.
× I hate office jobs.	× I went to college out of state.	✓ I am adopted.
✓ I am a pyro.	✓ I have thrown up from crying too much.	✓ I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
✓ I fall for the worst people.	✓ I adore bright colours.	✓ I usually like covers better than originals.
× I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.	✓ I can pick up things with my toes.	× I can't whistle.
✓ I have ridden/owned a horse.	× I still have every journal I've ever written in.	✓ I talk in my sleep.
✓ I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.	✓ I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.	× I wear a toe ring.
× I have a tattoo.	✓ I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.	✓ I am a caffeine junkie.
✓ I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.	× If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.	✓ I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
× I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.	× I'm an artist.	× I am ambidextrous.
✓ I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.	× If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.	× I have terrible teeth.
✓ I hate my toes.	✓ I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.	✓ I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
× I have lived in either three different states or countries.	✓ I am extremely flexible.	✓ I love hugs more than kisses.
× I want to own my own business.	✓ I smoke.	✓ I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
✓ Nobody has ever said I'm normal.	✓ Sad movies, games, and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.	× I am proficient in the use of many types of firearms and combat weapons.
✓ I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.	✓ I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me.	✓ I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
× I have played strip poker with someone else before.	✓ I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. (or rather I am currently seeking help for)	× I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
✓ I can't stand being alone.	✓ I have at least one obsession at any given time.	× I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
✓ I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.	× I'm a judgmental asshole.	✓ I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
× I have travelled on more than one continent.	✓ I sometimes wish my father would just disappear.	✓ I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
× I am a Libertarian.	✓ I can speak more than one language.	✓ I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
✓ I would rather read than watch TV.	✓ I like reading fact more than fiction.	✓ I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
× I have no piercings.	✓ I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.	✓ I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
× I once spent Christmas completely alone because there was a miscommunication on which parent was supposed to have me that night.	✓ There have been times when I have wondered "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.	✓ I like most animals better than most people.
× I own a collection of retro games consoles.	✓ The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.	× I have hit someone with a dead fish.
✓ I am compulsively honest.	× I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.	× I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers.
× I have gone from wishing I was a girl to revelling in being a boy to feeling like a girl again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.	✓ I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.	✓ I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
✓ I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.	× I dislike milk.	× I obsessively wash my hands.
× I always carry something significant around with me.	× Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.	✓ I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
✓ Even though I live on my own I still cry sometimes because I miss my mother.	× I hand wrote all the HTML tags in this document.	✓ I've liked something which a majority of people claimed was either bad or weird.
× I have been clinically dead for a brief period of time.	× Instead of feeling sympathy/empathy with people and their problems, I simply become annoyed.	× I participate/have participated in auto drag races and won.
× I do not 'get' most comedy acts.	✓ I don't think strippers are money-greedy or slutty for dancing.	× I don't like to chew gum.
✓ I am obsessed with history/historical things and can't wait for someone to build a time machine so I can be the first to use it. (I AM a history major after all)	× I can never remember for the life of me where I parked the car.	✓ I had the TEEN ANGST thing going for at least 2-3 years.
✓ I wish people would be more empathic and honest with each other.	× I play Dungeons and Dragons weekly.	✓ I love to sing.
× I want to live in my mother's basement when I grow up.	× I have a custom-built computer.	× I want to create a certain someone's babies, even though there's a 0% possiblity of ever achieving it.
✓ I would be in a relationship with one of my pets if they were human.	✓ I've gone skinny-dipping.	✓ I've performed in three plays.
✓ I enjoy burritos.	✓ I'm Irish and loving it.	✓ I have a thing for redheads.
× I am a twin!	✓ Most of the times, I'd rather do something intellectual instead of doing something generically 'fun'.	× Once I set out to finish something, I always stay at it until it is completed before I move on to something else.
✓ I wish there were a way to erase past mistakes.	✓ I sleep more than 12 hours a day.	✓ I wish I could be prouder of what I've accomplished, but it's never enough.
✓ I need more time to myself.	× I wish I was more open-minded.	× I hope that I go really prematurely grey.
✓ I download songs from the internet.	× I've just reenacted chapter 58 of Death Note with my best friend.	✓ I say random things to freak people out.
× I'm still a little mad about the ending of Death Note.	✓ I love playing Truth or Dare.	✓ I love listening to slow music, but I hate singing to it.
✓ Music helps me remember that I am not alone.	× Playing my favorite sport makes me temporarily forget my problems.	✓ I think this survey is particularly long.
✓ I prefer my LJ friends to my real-life ones. (except they are the same people)	✓ I can only hate someone that I love.	✓ I've ordered an extra two shots of espresso to an Americano at Starbucks.

Dalai Lama

2006-07-10T15:32:20Z

Anyone up for donating me money? So I can get halfway decent seats on September 17, 2006 at the Pepsi Center when the Dalai Lama is speaking for the first time in Denver in 9 years? Anyone? Anyone?

Telling me something?

2006-07-07T17:24:45Z

Is the world (or at least the news) trying to tell me something? The answer more than the question but still... Taken from MSN.com's health stories...

Q: I am an attractive, professional 40-year-old woman who hasn't had sex in five years. I miss it. But the men I meet lie about marital status, sexual orientation or living arrangements.

My girlfriends suggest finding a “friend with benefits.” Although it isn't the relationship I’ve been searching for, something sounds better than nothing. I do know a man who has been “living with someone for a long time” but claims he isn't married. He could be bisexual. He has been kind and helpful to me. Now I am torn, but I need to stop this intense loneliness.

A: I think you need a refresher course on the concept of “friends with benefits.” You’re supposed to be “friends.” I mean better friends than “claims he isn’t married” and “could be bisexual.” You’re pretty clueless about this guy.

But suppose you have another promising applicant for the job. Should you hire him?

Sex buddydom is delicate. It can work, but as an old girlfriend of mine used to say, “Once the clitoris gets involved, the heart follows.”

What sounds all zipless and easy, isn’t always. Sometimes people shake hands on the deal, shag profusely and supposedly non-commitally, and yet wind up in tears the first time their buddy says, “Can’t come over tonight, I’ve got a date.”

On the other hand, sometimes it works. But if you do it, spend more time vetting your sex buddy than you would an employee. Go in with your eyes open, and don’t let your pal obscure the view of Mr. Right who will, no doubt, show up eventually.

oh and because I did the positive one, here is the negative one....

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Milady+Li